Battle

I feel like this "weight thing" is a constant battle...every...single...day.  I honestly HATE it!  I wish I could go through one day and not think about what I am putting in my mouth and just consciously put healthy things in and be fine.  You see, I can't.  I want unhealthy items but have to make a choice to put the healthy things in.  I am struggling today...79 pounds gone forever and at 128 pounds (I have been here for several days) and I want to throw in the towel and just EAT but then I would get on the scale and hate myself tomorrow.  (I do eat enough calories each day and sometimes go over...it just isn't foods I truly want.) Why am I telling you this?  Because I want to be honest...this is HARD for me.  I am terrified of gaining the weight back...I did lose 40 before and gain it right back and I know that I could easily gain the 79 I have lost this time back and you know...it wouldn't take long.  I wish this didn't control my life but honestly it does.  It is constantly on my mind.  It makes me sad but I know if it isn't an obsession then I can't control it and will eat myself into oblivion...sounds pitiful and ridiculous...yes...but it is the truth:(

and since we all look at blogs for the pictures...here is one of my sweet babies last Saturday...they are growing up too fast!