Weekend roundup

I miss blogging regularly. It is fun to look back and see what happened in the past. I hope you had a fabulous weekend. We had a laid back one. The kids both had soccer games Saturday morning and then we basically just hung out around the house all day. We did get out to go eat Mexican for dinner. Fajitas, yum! Sunday was spent going to church, coming home and preparing for a mission trip meeting, grocery shopping and then church last night. I am leading a mission trip to Ecuador in October with Visiting Orphans.

Fighting the Fat Girl Within

Funny how my last post on here was on a day where my eating had been out of control and I had eaten over my calorie range.  It seems so senseless for me to even be on here blogging right now as so many around the U.S. are suffering right now with the news of the bombing in Boston at the Boston Marathon today.  I am praying for all involved.

I need to vent so if anyone happens to read this, sorry, lol.

I put SO much pressure on myself to stay at this weight.  I do NOT want to be fat again nor ever gain weight again in my life.  It is a DAILY struggle for me.  Some days are a little easier than others but it is a struggle daily nonetheless.  

Today started out fine, what messed me up was that I had an unexpected "lunch" with a friend at 10:45...therefore I was hungry mid afternoon and snacked like crazy all afternoon.  I had no calories left at dinner and was ravenous.  I thought I would come up with something to eat that would be in the 300-400 calorie range and I would go run it off and be even for the day.  Well, I decided to cook tacos but I was SO hungry that I got into the fig newton crisps and ate 4 without even blinking an eye...200 calories...then I decided to eat some tortilla chips with cheese and taco seasoning...made two servings...360 calories eaten without thinking...all while still cooking dinner.  After that the oatmeal creme pies (that my husband purchased, I know better than to bring things like that into this house because I will eat them) were staring me in the face...so I ate one...and then another...340 calories instantly down the hatch...needless to say I didn't even eat the tacos but crammed 900+ empty calories down my throat putting me over by that many calories today and so far I haven't exercised yet.  It is only 6:25 p.m. here and I guarantee you I will be hungry before bed and go to bed hungry.

I hate myself when I do this, I feel so much regret over food, it is a battle, I know better but sometimes I just go nuts and binge.  I want to be free from this stronghold in my life.  I HATE it...absolutely HATE it.  

If you read this, thanks for letting me vent, I know most won't understand and think I am absolutely NUTS!

***ETA: Decided to go on a short prayer run for those affected by the Boston Marathon.  I have a sweet friend who has been my running inspiration that ran the marathon today and is safe and she and her family and all those affected have been on my heart today.  The bonus is I ran 3.34 miles and burned approximately 334 calories:)